The Most
by Teo
Summary: IY/Kag. A series of conversations between Inu-Yasha and Kagome. Kind of WAFFY, R&R please! *Complete*
1. Fear

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha 

The Most:

Fear

They slept.

            Around the dead remains of the campfire, they slept. The fading embers hounded him, buried in ashes, surrounded by darkness like the glaring eyes of a nightmare. Like the eyes of the dead. And unaware, they slept. It was a sight he was long accustomed to, their sleeping forms.

          They looked to him like shadowed piles of cloth or grass in the moonlight, but he was far above them. The details were lost, even to his keen eyes. It was enough, though. Enough to notice if something were amiss. Enough to keep them safe…

          _But there is no one…his thoughts whispered in his mind, _to keep them safe from me._ Golden eyes, lit by the moon and stars, played across a sleeping body. The bitter smell of fear stemmed from her, strong even from his perch. A slight whimper and the restless shifting of cloth reached his white, tufted ears. Breath blew from his lips in a quiet sigh. She was dreaming again… he heard a gasp, a sharp intake of air and then the soft exhale as she sat up and breathed his name. It was barely audible, but it gave him a sense of… pride, he guessed._

          She sat soundlessly, a living statue. And he was no longer alone in his sleeplessness. 

          "Inu-Yasha?"

          His name again. A thin layer of fear lay over her like a translucent veil.

          "I'm here." His voice came out softer than he had meant it, but she shed the veil at his response and he couldn't bring himself to mind. He thought maybe the strings of sleepless nights were finally catching up to him. That would explain that moment of weakness – one of many. 

          His ears twitched at the sound of movement below him. She stood, pulling her blankets with her, and settled at the base of his living perch. Watching her intently as she did this was something he couldn't help. Strangely enough, he could never help it any more. And even stranger, he found he didn't mind.

          "I was afraid," she whispered. And it was not because of the cold that she shivered. "I was afraid it was real."

          He nodded absently, a part of him knowing she would not see the movement. Dreams were a plague on him as well, though he would never go so far as to admit to fear of them. He might, however, admit to fear of their reality as Kagome had done – a wise choice of words. For what was there to fear in dreams, but the possibility that they may not be only a product of the ever-waking mind? In present or future?

          "It wasn't real, Kagome. It probably never will be, whatever it was."

          "I'm not so sure…" she spoke as if to herself, and he wasn't sure he was meant to hear. 

          They settled into silence, then; lost in their thoughts amidst the even breathing of their companions, walking labrynths of their own creation. Her eyes were glued to the dying embers, while his gaze rested over her still form. Shifting his gaze was all but impossible. As often or as hard as he tried to find interest in another view he found his eyes constantly straying back in her direction. Drawn to her power perhaps… perhaps. 

          "Inu-Yasha?" her voice rose from nothingness, a phoenix from the ashes of their campfire. 

          "What is it, wench?"

          "What…" he watched as she paused to wet her lips. "What are you afraid of? What scares you the most?"

          His response was one automated by the mix of his blood, kindled by the hatred of entire races, created by the ongoing fight for survival. He didn't need to think. An answer fled his mouth with all the speed of a dove in flight of its cage.

          "Keh. Nothing scares me. I'm not weak."

          _Nothing? Really? Not even…he silenced those thoughts with a swift shake of his head. It was satisfying to banish them. The same type of satisfaction he derived from striking his enemies with the unmatched power of the Tetsusaiga and reveling in the pungent scent of blood rightfully spilt. But where were his enemies now?_

          "There's a difference, you know. Between being afraid and being a coward." She leaned her head back against the trunk of his resting place to face him, and he wouldn't meet her eyes. It was remarkably easy now, to keep his eyes from her. "Do you want to know what I fear the most?"

          "It doesn't matter." _As long as it isn't me, it doesn't._ "It doesn't matter what you're afraid of because eventually you'll have to face it. And once you conquer one fear, another takes its place." He paused. "Besides, even if you tell me, I'm still not saying."

          "Then… it's not true that nothing scares you."

          OF course it wasn't true. As soon as those words passed his lips she would have known they were nothing but bravado. She always picked up on such things about him. Whether her perceptiveness was a gift or a curse had yet to be decided. Though… he had become accustomed to it, as with his nightly watch. 

          "There's nothing alive that doesn't feel fear," he spoke the words and knew them to be true, but they brought him little comfort. Fear was a base emotion. His father had undoubtedly felt it during his life span, just as that first wretched demon to steal the jewel had felt it… _just before I tore him apart._ Thoughts of that victory did not quell his inner turmoil.

          "Kikyo." He was startled by the sound of the name, softly spoken as it was. Her gaze had left him, and he could watch her again. The ache in her moonlit eyes was a sight matched only in his nightmares. "I fear her most, of all things."

          _Kikyo… the name rang bell-like in his mind, a signal for the wash of memories of his life before the breaking of the Shikon jewel. Memories of days idly spent watching her, only halfway beneath the guise of stealing the jewel. That was a time long passed. A time buried beneath the darkness of his sleep of half a century, and his parting with the fallen priestess. _

          "It's not her that scares me, really. But… what she is capable of doing." He stared at the bowed head of shining raven locks, as dark as his own was pale. "I… I couldn't stand it, if she took you to Hell."

_Kikyo… again the name rang, as bitter now as it had before been sweet. __She was the cause of so many a waking night. Not just for him. He could have stood it, had he been the only one. He needed to protect the girl from the future, he had promised her he would… he had promised himself. The un-dead priestess was something to be feared now. Something to be protected against._ Eventually, Kagome will conquer that fear… __

Could he let that happen? All his debts aside, where would he place his loyalty when it came down to it? He could answer those questions as easily as he could say where the rest of the jewel shards were hidden. All he could really do was wait, and wonder. Helpless. No matter how strong he grew that was how he would remain.

"Myself." Again she was watching him, and again he avoided her gaze. "That is what I'm most afraid of." This was the truth. A thing he often wouldn't share with himself, much less another being… but she had a way of prying things out of him. Without really prying at all. 

"What do you mean?" It was a prompt to continue.

"The perfect balance between strength and weakness. Tipping the scales either way is dangerous… I'm afraid I won't be able to protect you from our enemies… and I'm afraid I won't be able to protect you from myself."

"You've always protected us before." He could _feel_ her gentle smile. "I trust you to protect us when we need it."

"What if I _can't? Haven't you thought of that?"_

"What makes you think you won't be able to?" There was no answer, to such a question as that. "You aren't weak, Inu-Yasha. You're the strongest person I've ever met, but more importantly, you're not _alone_ - " she waved a hand towards the sleepers "- We all work together. You don't need to carry all the responsibility, we'll help you, even when you can't help yourself."

_Maybe…_

"You…" she suppressed a yawn as she spoke, he could hear it in her voice. "You don't need to be human, but you don't need to be a full-demon either. There's nothing wrong with the way you are now…"

_Maybe she's right… Her eyes fell closed, long lashes paling her cheeks with their contrast. For a moment his gaze swept across her like the soft light of a harvest moon. _Even if she doesn't understand…__

He leaned back against the wood and for the first time in a long while he slept. And he did not dream.

A/N: Hmm… don't know where that one came from. Oh well, I might turn it into a series of one-shots, I might leave it as is… if I continue, I swear I'll have a confession in the last chapter! If I don't, this will be my first complete one-shot! Sooo… tell me what you think ok? Please Review!


	2. Hate

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha

The Most:

Hate

          Again.

          Again they were left in the toxic dust of his hasty retreat. Again they remained behind to helplessly lick their wounds. Again the price of battle could not buy them victory. Again, again, again!

          _How many more times?_ His mind hissed, a roiling well of fury, _how many more times must we play this game!?_ There was no answer. And it made him want to howl.

          Around him the wind rose like the waters of a storm at sea in place of his own wordless cry. It tore through the gnarled bodies of bare autumnal trees, stripping them of the last of their leaves and stirring the long, dying grasses at his feet. His hair flew on invisible wings from his back, the heavy folds of his hakama plastered themselves against the skin they protected, and beneath it his angered heart sent rage like blood throughout the fibers of his being. In his ears the rhythmic beating that escaped his chest, the pulsing flow of his life-force, pounded like the drumming of a blacksmith at his forge. Identical to that of his everlasting foe, to that of anything _alive._

          The wind shrieked at his senses and the desire rose within him to cry out with it – to release his anger, to send it away with the breath of God. He longed to abandon reason and ride the tides of his hate – his blood surged at the very thought – but he quelled his desires and simply stood, alone with the howling wind. The voice he did not have. 

          It was because of _him_. Because he had run from them again. His anger was beginning to ebb with the dying wind. But when the gale was reborn in all its strength and more, he would be left with only pangs of bitterness and no burning hatred to keep him warm. His fist clenched.

          "I wonder sometimes… if we'll ever truly defeat Naraku."

          He glanced at her as she voiced his thoughts, not at all surprised to find her beside him when he had thought himself alone. He had found her there so often, he was far past being surprised – he had come to expect it, even.  

 The wind danced with her hair and her clothes, turning her cheeks and nose a rosy pink. He could watch her, now, without attracting her attention. She was too focused on the sky, the leaves, the wind, the world, to notice him. That's why he was surprised when she did.

A grin washed the solemnity from her face as she turned to him. And it took him a moment to realize that he was hardly angry anymore.

"But when I look at all of you, I don't have to wonder anymore. I know we'll beat him some day…" her smile fell as she trailed off and clenched a fist. And when she next spoke, her voice held more bitterness than he had ever imagined hearing in her. "He deserves to die."

For only a second his eyes widened. Then he folded his arms and snorted, regaining his composure: a thing too often lost around this girl. He really shouldn't be surprised by anything coming from her.

"What do you mean 'He deserves to die'? Death is too good for him." 

She shook her head. "You say that now… but when it comes down to it, you'd kill him given half the chance." The wind blew her sigh to his ears. "But that's not really what I meant… I – I've never meant those words before. I hate Naraku. I hate him the most, of all things."

She fell silent, and he could find no words for her. So, for a moment, they stood alone with the screaming wind. It cried out all they could not say.

When he finally found his voice he had to pry his tongue from the roof of his mouth before he could speak. "I guess… you've lived a sheltered life." 

"Compared to… some… I guess I have." She had been about to say 'you', he could tell. But he let it go. He was drained of the anger that once filled him so completely, and he felt… empty. "What do you hate most, Inu-Yasha?"

"This again?" He had seen it coming. But there was little problem, in admitting hatred for something… for someone. Still, he let out a long suffering sigh. There was always a problem in admitting _anything. To anyone. "I __might tell you… if you really want to know."  _

"You don't want me to know?"

"I hate a lot of things – Naraku, Sessho-Maru… Jaken…" It was true, but not completely. He glanced at her as she began to laugh, a sound like ringing bells. Successfully, he fought the urge to join her. 

Her face grew solemn. "But… what do you _really_ hate? More than anything?"

"Why does it matter to you, anyway?" It wasn't quite a snarl, but it came close. His patience was wearing thin, as it often did. Though around her, he had noticed, it happened less often.

 Wide blue eyes met his. A familiar pang of guilt tugged at his conscience. There was a time… when he could have shaken it off… A time long passed. _I guess it's okay… as long as it's only her._

"I just want to know more about you… that's all…" She frowned almost imperceptibly at her shoes, and his nose caught the musty scent of sorrow. 

"I hate… cowardice. Ignorance. Weakness." It was true, but not completely…

"In yourself?"

"In everyone."

The wind picked up again, stronger and fiercer than it had yet been. She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering. It was a rather pathetic picture. For all of two seconds he watched her, before shrugging out of his haori and wrapping it around her. He stepped away before she could look up at him.

"Most of all… I hate to see you suffer…" he spoke softly, not quite sure whether she had heard, and not quite sure if he wanted her to. Because it was true, completely. "Go back to the others. I'll follow in a minute."

He was sure she wanted to say something, but she remained silent. It wasn't until the sounds of her exit reached his ears that he turned to watch her go. When she was gone from his sight, though, he didn't move. 

Around him the wind rose, sweeping across the land at speeds even he could only dream of. It blew through the trees and the grass and around the living statue of his body. It picked up and howled, and left him behind.

He moved to follow in her path.

It was getting cold. 

A/N: Well, I decided to continue it… this one didn't come out quite like I wanted it to, though. Ah, well, hopefully the other chapters will be better… Anyway, thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I hope this one isn't too disappointing… Review please! See you next time! 


	3. Sorrow

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha

The Most:

Sorrow

          It was evening. Light shone across the shrine grounds through an orange filter, soft and delicate and pure like the muted glow of a fire. Long shadows fell over the dirt and concrete, appearing as handless puppets to the lazy eye – though there were very few of those to be found. The shrine was a ghost town but for one solitary figure, soon to be joined by another.

          The sound of wood grating against wood berated his sensitive ears, as familiar a sound as it was. He shut the well-house door behind him, wincing as he came into the light. It was not particularly bright, not bright at all really, but after the gloom of the well-house the soft glow of the sunset was nearly glaring. As his eyes adjusted to the pastel setting he took careful stock of his surroundings – a habit he could not shake.

          Right away, he noticed her where she sat, huddled against the trunk of the Go-shinboku. For an instant his growing irritation flared. She had promised to be back by that afternoon – it was hours past that time and there she was doing… what? She could have been picnicking for all he could tell. 

          _If she's only sitting around,_ he thought, frowning, _then why in all hells didn't she come back sooner? Stupid girl…_ It was true, this was not the first time she was late in returning, and he doubted, no matter what he did, it would be the last, but that didn't mean he was about to let go of her tardiness so easily. No, not at all. He was angry, and she would know about it.

          Wrapping annoyance around himself as if it were a cloak, he set off in her direction. The cloak grew as he drew nearer to her – not moving swiftly, but not slowly either. With each step it became larger, and soon he was surrounded by an almost palpable fortress of irritation. It was a familiar barricade; one he had shielded himself with often in the past. With it he could hide anything… or so he had once believed. Before he met her: the one he had, ironically enough, used this barrier against most often. It was especially good for hiding concern he could not afford to show.

          He was ready to face her, from behind his invisible shield… at least he _was_… up until he drew near enough to catch a good whiff of her scent and stop dead in his tracks. She was as serene as the placid waters of a great lake, currents roiling beneath the surface. Dark and deep. His fortress became a sandcastle, and it was washed away by the tides if her sorrow. He wondered why he had bothered to build it in the first place. 

          Only distantly did he hear her breath his name as she looked up to find him near. Her hair fell around her pail face and her shoulders, as dark and sleek as a raven's feathers, and her eyes greeted him silently, wells of infinite emotion. Surprisingly, there were no tears trailing down her face. Her expression was… pensive, if he were to put a name to it – belying what his nose had detected. Another time he night have been bothered by the lack of symmetry, but he couldn't find it in himself to feel that way. He just watched. 

          "Inu-Yasha?" her voice shot him into focus.

          "What is it, wench!?" he snapped. His fortress nearly rebuilt itself. 

          "I…" She cast her gaze to the ground, an epitome of meekness. "I'm… sorry I was late." He would have been worried if the comment had not sparked the rebirth of his anger. It crushed concern like a gnat. 

          "And just why _were_ you late?" he managed, almost too easily, to keep the sneer from his voice. Gnats were persistent sometimes.

          "I… I don't think you'd understand…"

          "Why wouldn't I understand?" he narrowed his eyes accusingly and swatted off his concern. He was goading her, maybe, but anger was so much easier to deal with…

          The fiery odor of temper flared into her scent. _This was more familiar territory. "It's just not the kind of thing you'd –" She broke off with a sigh, and as the breath left her mouth, the anger fled her scent as swiftly as running water. "I don't want to fight you right now."_

          He blinked. "Good. Let's go, then." It was only with difficulty that he managed to keep from shifting about uncomfortably beneath her gaze. How did she manage it? The girl could stare down Sessho-maru if she set her mind to it. "What?" he asked, finally. She dropped her head into her hands. 

          "That wasn't what I meant," her muffled words reached his ears. 

          He didn't know what made him squat beside her, and he didn't know what made him inquire, "What's wrong?" But it certainly wasn't concern. Certainly not. Whatever it was, she didn't look at him when she decided to reply.

          "I'm beginning to forget, is all. I mean, it's only little things… like the words to Sota's favorite cartoon theme song… the way my mother's best perfume smells… the tone of voice Grandpa uses when he starts one of his 'legends'…That doesn't seem like much to you, does it?" she still had not turned to him, and he didn't think she really wanted an answer to that question. Before beginning again she inhaled deeply through her mouth. "And my friends, from school, I don't even know them anymore! I know all of you so much better now… that when I talk with them _they_ are the ones that don't seem real.

          "I used to think it was all just a dream… fighting demons and – and everything… it was all too horrible and too wonderful to be real. I thought that one day I would wake up and it would disappear and I would feel a little regret – like with most good dreams – but I would forget about it and go on with… with reality. I guess… I spent so much time dreaming that I can't tell the difference anymore… I feel trapped between two homes, and I have nowhere to go because I don't belong on either side…" she sighed, and her scent seemed to be more… fresh. The sorrow, and anger, and pain – and more things than he could name – were still present, but they were… repressed, muted. She glanced at him finally. "You don't have to say anything."

          Those words lifted a burden from his shoulders and immediately he felt more comfortable. He wouldn't have known what to say anyway… but being free to remain silent, he found he could not. "I understand." And he did. To a certain extent. 

          She just nodded. "Thanks…" her gaze turned speculative as she trailed off. "Inu-Yasha…? What… What causes you the most… sorrow?"

          "Sorrow…?" he echoed, as if it were a foreign word. Half of him was amazed she would ask one of those stupid questions, even now. Another half was decidedly annoyed she would ask one of those stupid questions… even now.

          "Yes, sorrow. Sadness, pain, grief – you know, sorrow. You feel it sometimes, don't you?" Pain he was familiar with, certainly, and maybe grief, as well… but sorrow? It was a thing he didn't often think of. "It hurts me the most when those I care about are in pain." A part of him had known that already. "I know it sounds haughty of me to say so like this, but it is the truth…"

          "Death, I think," he said, after a moment. "My mother, and Kikyo… I think I would feel sorrow if the houshi or the taijiya or even the old hag kicked it…"

          "What about Shippo?" her voice was low and soft.

          "Maybe the brat too…" Maybe. He said it more to appease her than because of his own speculation.

          "And what about me?"

          "You aren't going to die!" The words came out harshly and he folded his arms across his chest, turning away from her in a manner that brooked no argument. "I'll protect you…"

          What would he feel if she…? Sorrow was not the word… it was something far beyond that…

          "I understand."

          He looked at her, and was sure she did. 

To a certain extent.

A/N: I'm so sorry!!! I had this typed up for a while, but I totally forgot about it! I feel really bad because I had this new idea and I needed to write something simpler (this one was getting too serious for me)  Well, here's #3… I'm not so sure of it, but tell me what you think. Thanks much to those who reviewed!! I'm not sure how long it will take to get the next one out… I'll try for inside of a week, okay?  well, I'll c ya next time.               


	4. Happiness

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha.

The Most:

Happiness

          It didn't happen often.

          The sky was a cloudless sea of blue, as beautiful in its own way as it was dull. For ages it stretched on, across distances even his keen eyes could not make out, distances he could never run, distances he could not fathom. It was a reminder, sometime, of his insignificance, that endless blue. But not this time.

          With a casual eye he surveyed the field. The blossoms danced on a playful breeze – lupins on their tall stalks, white mountain lilies with flowers shaped like long cups, delicate wild pinks on hair thin stems of bright green, star-shaped blue gentians surrounded by glistening leaves, and the odd cherry blossom. The combined scent was overwhelming and almost dangerously intoxicating. So he watched from a dwarf of a hill atop the half-buried boulder he had made into a seat. The others sat and laughed and marveled a distance below him. It was their idea to stop here – he noted the suns position in the sky – in the middle of the day. They could have been looking for shards instead, but even so he was oddly content just to watch them.

          It didn't happen often.

          It wouldn't have happened, actually, if she hadn't turned her eyes on him. She could convince him into anything – not that he would ever let her know. It was a weakness, and a foolish one, but he couldn't afford to rid himself of it or he might rid himself of her as well. He snorted, and looked away from the scene below him. _When did I become so weak?_ He wondered as his eyes were drawn back to the little group, to her. The thought wasn't an angry one, as once it would have been. It was merely speculative. _It doesn't really matter, does it…?_ That odd, content feeling washed over him again.

          In the field below him the others were laughing, flowers decorating their hair and clothes. They looked to be having fun. But he felt little desire to join them. He asked himself, not impatiently, how much longer before they could leave to search for more shards.

          He blinked. She was looking at him, her head cocked just slightly, questioning. The others didn't notice the direction of her stare, and they didn't try to stop her when she stood and made her way towards him. He wasn't sure whether he ought to be surprised at her impending presence. It wasn't odd, certainly, to find her near him, but down there she had looked… happy.

          A smile lit her face as she sat beside him and placed a flower behind his tufted ear. Before it could rest there long he removed the plant with a flick of his ear. It fell into her lap and she fingered the flower as laughter shook her frame. It was a gentian, he noticed, with blue petals and an even bluer center. She met his eyes and smiled.

          "It's beautiful here, don't you think?"

          He didn't want to answer. She was only trying to get him to speak, he knew, it almost didn't matter what he said. "You obviously do. That's why we've stopped."

          "Do you mind so much?" she asked curiously.

          His eyes slid in her direction almost irritably, though really he wasn't irritated at all. "What?"

          "That we've taken a break. Do you really mind? In the long run an hour or so won't affect our progress much."

          Of course he knew that. What was an hour to an entire week? Or even a day? It was a stupid question, but he couldn't find fault in her for asking it. Another time he would have.

          "You're in a good mood," he said, in an attempt to change the subject. She allowed herself to be diverted. It must not have been important, then.

          "Uh-huh," she nodded. "Being here makes me happy." A petal from the flower came away between two of her fingers. She let it go and the wind swept it away. "What about you, Inu-Yasha?"

          Now her earlier dismissal of the first subject became clear. She was planning on asking him another of those ridiculous questions. He was sure of that fact, though not of the logic behind it. She was as much a mystery to him as was the sky. Certainly, there were depths to her that he might never see. 

          "When are you going to stop asking me those questions?"

          "I'll stop when I'm satisfied," she told him in mock solemnity, plucking another petal and keeping it tucked away in her hand. "So… what makes you the happiest?"

          Happiness. It wasn't something he was familiar with or something that often crossed his mind. He had seen others laugh and dance and smile. And he knew those for signs of happiness, but… they didn't apply to him. He had only ever laughed out of spite, only ever danced the dance of battle, only ever smiled in bitterness. It was strange. For the first time in his life he wondered, _am I happy? Have I ever been?_

          Perhaps when he was a child, before death claimed his mother and father, before the walls of his sheltered life were torn apart. But then he had been too young to be anything but happy. He hadn't known any better. What was happiness, then, if only innocent minds could truly know it? 

          Suddenly he found himself staring into a sea of endless blue. He blinked. It wasn't the sky, but a pair of eyes. She had leaned over and was peering into his face. And she was awfully close. Startled, he jerked away and her eyes widened, pink tingeing her cheeks. She was embarrassed. He could see it and read it in her scent, but for the life of him he didn't know why.

          "Sorry," she muttered, staring at her hands where they sat clasped in her lap. The flower, he noted, had lost all of its petals. "You didn't answer for a while…"

          He studied her for a moment. "You usually answer first…" If anything her blush only deepened.

          "What makes me happiest? Well…" she snuck a glance at him. "I guess it's… times like these. When I can learn a little more about you. That makes me happiest." He could only stare at her with wide eyes. That _makes her happy? Finally she looked up at him. "Well, what about you?"_

          "I… I don't know," he told her, truthfully. "I'm not sure if I've ever been happy… how do you know? How can you tell when you're happy?"

          "Oh… Inu-Yasha, I-I'm sorry…" 

          She was looking at her clenched hands again. He gave a snort and folded his arms across his chest.

          "Now you're just contradicting yourself. You said this kind of thing made you happy."

          "Well… it does… but I can't be happy when you're miserable."

          She stood suddenly, and opened her fists over his head. Blue petals fluttered over him and nestled into his white mane. He blinked up at her in surprise, but she was already walking away. She grinned over her shoulder at him.

          It was strange. For the first time in his life he wondered, _is this what happiness feels like?_

          He got up and went after her.

A/N: Well… not exactly under a week… was it? *Sighs* I would have had this up sooner, but I was busy… Ah, well, I'm oddly pleased with the way this one came out (which probably means you won't like it as much) Thanks to all those who reviewed!! Tell me what you think of this chapter, and I'll see you next time…


	5. First Love

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha.

The Most:

First Love

          There was no moon and the night was impossibly darker for it. Even the stars were muted, though they always were on her side of the well. They had always been diamonds beneath the brightest sun, but from the grounds of the Higurashi Shrine they were merely shining glass. He didn't appreciate the change.

          Diamonds and Glass.

          One worth infinitely more than the other – a contrast in rarity and function. Diamonds were beautiful, yes, but far too rare to be put to any use no matter how long they lasted. Glass was more common and more useful, but it was also too fragile to be of any help. He shook his head, banishing the stray thoughts. It wasn't really stars, or diamonds, or glass that was on his mind.

          From a window he knew to be hers the soft glow of lamplight dusted the leaves of his living perch. Without that light, he was acutely aware, sight would be lost to him. Leaning back against the trunk and letting a leg dangle from the branch he had chosen, he raised a hand before his face to study it curiously. It was the same, yet not the same. It was real, yet unreal. It was a perfectly human hand, pale skin glowing in the starlight. It was his own, and yet… he was a stranger in his own body. Or perhaps he was himself in the body of a stranger.

          He stared at the hand that was not quite his own.

          This was not the hand that had torn apart so many demons with its powerful talons. This was not the hand that had hung limply at his side as he slept, pinned against the Go-Shinboku. It hadn't carried the remains of his mother's corpse to a waiting grave. It hadn't tugged uselessly at the rosary that still hung around his neck. It hadn't gripped the Tetsusaiga unconsciously as he lay awake at night. And yet… it had…

          It wasn't so terribly different, really, on the outside. Not so terribly different from the hand that was his own.

          "Good night, Mom, I love you." Her voice wafted through the nearly closed window. He only faintly heard the answer and the odd click of a door closing and then he knew she was alone. Bare feet padded across the branch with a feral grace he still possessed and leapt onto her roof – a feat that would have been effortless on any other night. 

          From there it was simple to ease open the window and slip into her room. She looked up at him, from where she sat at her desk, visibly startled. _I wouldn't be able to tell if I couldn't see it on her face…_

          "Oh, you came," she smiled. "I'm glad."

          She had asked him to come here on this night, but for what reason he could not be sure. It was possible, likely even, that she believed this form too weak to fight off an attack. That didn't anger him as it should have. Maybe because he new it for true. Silently, he cursed his human body.

          "I have no better place to be."

          She faltered. "Well… I guess that's true…"

          He cursed himself twice more, once for the loss of her smile, and again for caring about such a thing. 

          All words died on his tongue, and he settled himself on the floor near her bed and watched her with melancholy eyes. The sounds of paper beneath her fingers only barely reached his ears. She was looking through a book, a large, thick one. He contemplated her, watched the way she chewed her lip absently, the way the light shone on her raven hair, the way her odd night clothes moved as she breathed, turning it all over in his mind. Her rare cobalt eyes continuously darted from the open book to his still form, and he didn't bother to look away – he couldn't find any reason to. Finally, she turned in her chair to face him.

          "What is it?" she asked, and the response flew from his lips before he could call it back.

          "Why do you say that?"

          She only looked at him for a moment, and when she spoke next her voice was slow and thoughtful. "Why do I say what?"

          "You know," he shrugged. Human he may have been, and curious too, but he could not repeat those words. Not to her. Not now. "What you said to your mother. Before I came in."

          "You mean 'Goodnight'?"

          "No…. The other thing."

          "You mean…" she paused and glanced at her feet. "You mean, 'I love you'?" She looked rather embarrassed as she said the words, a blush staining her cheeks an attractive pink.

          "Yes. That."

          "I've never really thought about it… just so she knows, I guess." She cocked her head just slightly, her hair falling like spun silk across her shoulders. He was struck, not for the first time certainly, by the sudden urge to touch it. Violet eyes, so different from his usual gold, landed briefly on the hand at his side. It curled into a fist. "Haven't you ever said that, Inu-Yasha?"

          "Why would I?"

          "Because it's how you feel… you really haven't told anyone that you loved them? Not anyone?" It was amazing how much 'anyone' sounded like 'Kikyo' when she said it. He met her eyes and thought that maybe… just maybe… she was a little bit jealous.

          "If I have," he told her truthfully. "I don't remember it."

          She regarded him for a moment. "That's so… sad," she finished lamely. He only shrugged as she turned back to the book, darting glances at him every so often. He didn't meet her eyes. If there was one thing he didn't want from her – from anyone – it was pity.

          For a long time they sat that way, silence settling over them like dust and age. The only noises were the gentle sounds of their breathing and the intermittent flipping of a page as the house slept around them. And surrounded in darkness as they were, with only the glow of her lamp like rosy morning's light, time seemed to stop and take a breath to preserve the quiet moment forever in the pair's minds. 

          A soft thump broke the silence and the ethereal spell. She had fallen asleep, head resting on the open page of her book. His eyes trailed automatically across her form, lingering on the hair spilled across a page of black and white. He shook her, just slightly.

          "Kagome, wake up." 

          She raised her head an inch or less and blinked sleepily before dropping back down over the book. It was a hopeless cause. He knew from experience. 

          Hesitantly he forked an arm beneath her knees and lifted her from her chair. Even in this form her slight weight barely hindered him. A sigh escaped her lips and she leaned into him. He snuck her hurriedly beneath the covers, his skin on fire where he had held her. She was warm.

          "Inu-Yasha…" she murmured shifting. Suddenly he found himself staring into her half-lidded eyes, obscured by the haze of sleep. She blinked slowly, and he sat again by her bed. "Inu-Yasha…?"

          "What?"

          Though he could not see her, he heard her shifting beneath her blankets. The sound of moving cloth subsided and she spoke. "Wha – who… do you love…?" The drowsiness was gone from her voice. He glanced at a hand. "The most?"

          "Are you going to answer first?"

          "Not this time…"

          "Why are you asking this now?"

          "Because you're less likely to scoff at what I say."

          "Would you mind so much if I told you in the morning?"

          There was a pause. The air stilled around him. In the silence he imagined he could hear her heartbeat. Any other time he would not have to imagine. Then the moment, like so many others before it, was broken. Time, that had slowed in their minds alone, continued, and in the room that sheltered only them – in a time when the truth they shared was eternally chaste and a blatant lie would mar that perfect chastity forever – she breathed a simple word.

          "No."  

          And he relaxed, unaware when he had become otherwise.

          "Then go to sleep."

          He leaned back against the wall, taking up the seated stance he was accustomed to. It was long after he thought her asleep that she whispered to him: "Goodnight." And without thinking he answered in kind. 

A/N: I've had such horrible writer's block lately!! You don't understand how hard I've been trying to write this – I know, I know it seems like the end is coming too soon, but this is where I originally planned to end it and I seriously need a break from the… uh… serious…ness of this fic… There will be One more chapter, I promise!! Originally, I was going to combine the other chapter with this one, but I couldn't do it. It just didn't seem right… the moods were too different. I'll try to get the next part up soon, and I've written at least a quarter of it already, but I have to majorly revise it to sound like a stand-alone chapter rather than the continuation of this one. Thanks sooooo much to everyone who reviewed! Without you, this story would _Never_ get finished! I'm so motivated by you all! Special thanks to ActingRogue, without whom I would have posted much later. See? Begging gets you everywhere… 

 Well, I'm putting off studying to get this up, so I gotta go – See you next Chapter!!


	6. Second Love

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha.

The Most:

Second Love

The change was an odd thing. His ears shifted in their parallel positions, daggers of pupils slit his eyes, the lustrous black of his hair was transformed into a mane of pure snow. He studied a clawed hand as the dormant blood within him rushed through his veins and he was himself again. Wild as the forest that bore his name and untamed as the creatures that called it their home. Or he was once.

A clawed thumb swept across his index finger. The skin split in a wide, red grin and even as the cut closed before his eyes a drop of perfect scarlet trailed down his wrist and stopped where it sank into his sleeve, leaving a blot like water. The wound sealed over without leaving a mark, and he knew the change was complete. 

          It was odd. He didn't feel a thing, but for the thrilling heightening of his senses and a rush like a sudden chill as his suppressed blood broke free and sped throughout his being. The world came into focus around him as if he had only ever seen it through frosted glass. He became aware of the sounds of the waking house and the smells of people and the lazy house-cat and food cooking. But most of all he became aware of her: her steady heartbeat rising in his ears and the scent that she gave off surrounding him like a haze of paradise; pure and refreshing and sweet. These things washed over him in brilliant harmony, sweeter then the cries of the morning birds and softer than the rosy morning light bathing the room. 

          He shifted and cast his re-born senses as far as they would reach, feeling the life around him and soaking it up. The room glowed with dawn's colors, the walls awash in yellows and light pinks. A sense of peace stirred within him, rose on wings of gentle warmth, whispered to him that this was the way he ought to spend the rest of his life. By her side in the light of early morning. 

And he let it. Drifting in the wake of a night of terrible, beautiful humanity, he let that feeling whisper in his ear, believing every hushed word. Because he knew, had known, that he could never survive in an eternal, moonless night. And that he shared that knowledge with her, and still he could sense her near him. 

          _There was a time, _he reminded himself, _when I would have stayed human forever._ That was long ago, another time, another life. It hadn't been _him_ that made those decisions, it had been the person he used to be. A different man than he was this day, on this morning. A shadow of his present self: weaker than he had known and more vulnerable than he had wanted to believe. It was that weakness, that vulnerability, that led him to the village of a young priestess and to the decision that made him into what he was now. 

          "Good Morning, Inu-Yasha."

          He started, head snapping rapidly in her direction as he realized he had stopped listening to his senses while her breathing sped up and she awoke. Even so, her voice rang as a melody of tones and hidden undercurrents in his ears, a thing he had missed. 

          He nodded at her silently, resisting the alien urge to smile fondly. Her gaze swept across him for a moment, and then she caught his eye and cocked her head the way she often did. A familiar… something… passed between them, and he shifted to the side, wordlessly making room on the floor for her. The smile that crossed her face as she crawled off the side of her bed was soft, and gentle, and content. And when she sat leaning against the wall beside him – pink night clothes rumpled, slightly tousled hair dark and silken, lids dragged down by the lead of sleep – she had never looked lovelier to him.

          Her hands settled in her lap and he watched her in the corner of his eye as her moment of stillness came to an end and she began to fidget, watching her hands twist in her lap and shyly stealing glances at him. He could nearly _feel_ the yearn in her, the ache to ask that stupid question, to snatch it from the air where it hung like an invisible barrier between them. Where it had been for so long... and where he had never noticed it before. But it was easy to see now, with her sitting so closely beside him.

            Her hands had begun an elaborate dance, fingertips alighting on one another and leaping away to bestow their feather-light touches elsewhere and eventually come back together again. If she was even aware she was doing this, she gave no sign. She was nervous, apprehensive, and a little bit scared. It was a bitter combination, but unable to mar the scent that was uniquely hers. 

          He reached out before he could stop himself and snatched one of her delicate hands. She looked up at him suddenly.

          "Can I ask you a question?"

          He studied her for a moment, then answered.

          "Go ahead."

          She barely paused before repeating the words she had said to him but hours earlier, as if she were saying them for the first time, as if she weren't as nervous as he had ever seen her, as if it were all that mattered. And maybe, between only them on that peaceable morning, it was.

          "Who do you…" he watched her carefully as she wet her lips and continued, "who do you love? The most?"

          And there it was; the question that had echoed through the caverns of his mind since first it had passed her lips, the words that had haunted him since he had heard them, only ceasing as her sweet voice gave them form again. The embodiment of his fears, the incarnation of his hopes, the question he always and never wanted to answer had fled her lips and it would not after an eternity return to that haven.

          There it was. Both terrible and beautiful like the throes of humanity he had so recently escaped and could escape forever merely by watching her and by forgetting all else. 

          "Love is…" he frowned in thought.  "It's a double-edged sword. I think… it hurts, sometimes, more than it helps. But… there are times… moments… when that doesn't matter."

          She was watching him intensely, as if his words gave her breath, as if her life depended on his ultimate answer. He blinked and realized that in a way it did. And he could never, would never, threaten her life.

          "A long time ago I… I thought I was in love. Maybe I was, but looking back on it now, it seems more like… companionship. Whatever it was, it… hurt me more than it helped me. I think. 

          "But it put me where I am now." _Next to you, Kagome. "It made me who I am today – I'm here, right now, because I couldn't trust Kikyo, and because I would never tell her what I'm telling you now, and what I've told you before."_

          "Inu-Yasha…" her eyes had turned compassionate, but she hadn't come any closer to him. Not yet.

          "When I first loved so long ago… it was a different sort of feeling. It was calm and tranquil, like Kikyo was. And very unlike you. You are… compassionate to everything around you, you have a… a drive that's just unstoppable, you're stubborn and lively and beautiful. But to me… you're just Kagome. And I love you for that."

          She sniffled, and his nose stung with the scent of her unshed tears, but also with the pure contentment she was feeling. 

          "So, who do you love the most?" she asked him, almost shyly.

          He met her gaze evenly, and, knowing there could be no lies between them, he spoke one word.

          "You."

          And she threw her arms around his waste and shook with tears and laughter, while his hand finally wound itself in her hair. It was so much softer than he'd imagined. He watched her where she sat, halfway in his lap, and as he did the secret part of him, of both of them, that had predicted this so long ago was released. It rushed from its cage in the deepest confines of his heart, filled him to near bursting, flowed through his veins like the demonic blood within him had done that very morning. The feeling of contentment that washed over him then was absolute.

          So lost was he in reverence of the moment that he almost missed the muffled words that stemmed from her mouth and teasingly rang in his ears.

          "I love you."

          The words were so quiet, he wondered at first if he had heard them at all, but she removed her face from where it had been buried in the folds of his haori and looked up at him imploringly.

          "The most?" he asked, with a softness his words had never known before.  

          "The most."

          Their lips met softly in a kiss that promised many more and they sat that way for a moment longer before he stood and reached out a hand to help her up, forgetting to let go after they were both on their feet. They left the sunlit room and went down to breakfast.

          Together.

A/N: And that is that. Whew! Completed at last! Hope that was sappy enough for you – I almost wasn't sure I could make it through the chapter (truthfully, I'm not that great at writing fluff) But I did it! Did it make you feel all happy and fuzzy inside? I hope so – review and tell me, Please!

For this chapter, it being the last, I've decided to answer my reviews. Here goes:

ActingRogue: Aww, thank you! Glad you liked the chapter – sometimes it takes that _extra_ bit of begging to get me working ^^

Arella: I hope I kept them in character this chapter – I'm not so sure I did, but if not I'm glad I was able to for most of the story. This chapter probably has some OOC-ness; I couldn't help it! Apologies if it disappoints,

Foureyedbookworm: You thought it would be boring? What can I say, I couldn't write a decent summary to save my life -.-… You think I should get more reviews, too? Well so do I!! Ah, J/K – I can be happy with my reviews as long as I get at least one ^_~ I still want you to review, though!

DreamoftheHeart: Oh… you were touched by my story? *Sniffs* I feel so appreciated… Well I hope you like this chappie – 'cuz I'm not so sure about it… I don't know if it was deep enough…^_^;;

Socchan: Don't want to wait for the answers, eh? Well, considering how much of an Inu/Kag fan I am, I don't think it was too hard to guess – Probably why the cliffhanger was un-suspenseful u.u… does that still make it a cliffhanger? Sort of defeats the purpose, I think… @.@ reminds me of that clone-suicide thing…

Ice Dagger: Hey! Didn't think I'd leave that stuff out, did you? *Shakes head* Shame on you for doubting me… Well, here it is! Hope you like ^^!

Crystal Delphina: Wow, such a nice, long review! But you put such pressure on me to keep writing well – I feel like I can't keep it up (I have no self-esteem, forgive me) Ah, well, I hope I did ^^! I _have_ noticed that people do write Inu as being hopelessly in love with Kagome, and he is, but he certainly doesn't worship the ground she walks on – It sort of irks me when Inu is written all depressed because Kagome could never love a 'worthless hanyou like himself' (Though, like you, I love those stories anyway, I just don't think they wrote Inu well… that didn't make sense, did it?-.-) I think they both sort of know how they feel… maybe… I dunno. But I enjoy focusing on Inu more than Kagome – he's more fun ^^! Hope you liked this chapter!

Silverstarlight: I'm glad you like my story! Though truly I have no idea what I'm doing with the imagery – whatever sounds good works for me ^_^; Well, Ok, I put more effort into it than that, but I have to wonder sometimes if what I've written makes sense….

Merith: *Sighs* A part of me wanted to have the last chapter be the end, but… this is how it turned out. I hope you liked it… But Argh! Where are you finding these spelling errors – I go through and I don't find any. Well, I found one, but… (I've said 'but' three times already haven't I? I need to stop, but… -.-) Ah, well, thanks for sticking with my story, even through the spelling errors ^_^

Sweety64: My story moved you? Wow… I feel so warm and fuzzy inside – I've affected someone! j/k, j/k, but I'm glad you liked it. Hopefully this you'll like this chapter too…        


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